A return

I went to youth group last night, as usual. It’s such a waste of time, though. My parents know that I don’t believe in Christianity anymore, but they make me keep going. They honestly think that if I keep going, all the holiness, or whatever, will rub off on me. They’re being ridiculous.

The only thing that going to this group every Wednesday night does is makes me feel more awkward. I’ve been going there for years now and I still feel out of place. My therapist says I should use it as an opportunity to talk to new people, but I don’t. I’ve already talked to all of them. They all push me away because I’m not outgoing and Christian and “manly”. I mostly just stay off to the side and watch them all.

I watch their hypocrisy, and last night was just another showing of how far they are capable of taking it. I listened as Ryan and Shane use homophobic and racial slurs to describe one of their classmates. I stood near the door and saw Justin, resident jock, and his girlfriend Samantha slip by me to go have sex in his car before coming back and faithfully nodding when the group leader preached on purity. I noticed how they continue to isolate the new girl who began attending last month, not bothering to approach or include her. These are just three examples off the top of my head. I could list more.

These are the people I’m supposed to talk to and become friends with? I can’t imagine why I would want to. There are other Christians who aren’t self-righteous hypocrites out there, so why bother getting to know these particular ones? There are better people out in the world.  I’m not going to waste my time on these bad apples.

I can’t wait to turn eighteen and get my own place. Just two more years and I never have to see those people ever again. I need to be free of my parents. I love them, but I want to make my own decisions. I’m so sick of having things decided for me.

Hey, look, I’m actually using this blog.

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